Saturday, April 4, 2009

Nicholas Cage's Knowing - A very bad and stupid movie both aesthetically and morally repugnant. Damn damn damn damn

Me and wifey decided to watch a movie today. (actually it is more of my decision..haha)

Aku ada few choices of movies to watch:

1. Fast & Furious 4
2. Righteous Kill
3. 12 Rounds
4. Talentime (tunggu raya, mesti kuar tv weii)
4. Knowing


Tengok orang berpusu pusu, dan berkampung depan kaunter jual tiket, we chose Knowing. Somehow, we KNOW that KNOWING is the best movie for us today. Knowing the trailer that had been shown over and over on TV, I guessed it must be a good movie.



It was!!

For the first 5.5 minutes of the movie.

The rest? Sucks! Annoyed, irritated.

Why?

Movie starts at 6:45pm.

6.50pm : A couple, wife pregnant lalu depan kami nak duduk centre seats. Terpijak kaki aku, and I spontaneously said: its ok. Wait, he did not say anything at all. Takper, mungkin dia takut terlepas first scene. They were seated right besides me.

7:02: Female voice - "Ehh dah start ke?" Husband: "Baru start." Ok, aku berharap sangat that will be the last they are talking. ** kalau dah nampak ada subtitle tu, maknanya dah startlah. Kau nak aku rewind kan ke?

7:03: "Ohh dia tunjukkan zaman dulu ehh. "

What the fuck, what the fuck, what the fuck..

It was 1959, when Lucinda, the mysterious girl who seems to hear whispered voices fills her sheet of paper with rows of random numbers, the movie next to me starts again.

"Kenapa budak ni tulis nombor?"

Aku nak jek jawab: sebab dia suka Magnum, Sports Toto dan kuda. Bodohlah.

Butuh butuh butuh butuh butuh, aku membutuhkan kedamaian dalam panggung wayanglah bodoh.

Bacalah sypnosis dulu, sebelum tengok wayang, idiot.

The talk continues for the whole 1.15 hours, termasuklah tetiba ketawa sebab orang lain ketawa. Dan si jantan ni cuba menguatkan suaranya ketawa, tapi aku tak ketawa.

Tapi bila the dialogue says: PH with double D, tak pulak kau ketawa, sebab kau baca subtitle!! Kampung, kampung, kampung.

Every scene ada suarakau dengan bini kau. Aku rasa macam aku tengah tengok DVD cetak rompak, ada kepala lalu kat screen dan ada suara orang ketawa. And this is one of those DVDs, except kali ni aku pun termasuk dalam DVD tu.

Wife aku, dok pegang lengan aku, tahan aku, sambil jeling jeling kat aku supaya aku tak sound mamat sebelah aku ni dan aku pun turut menjeling manja pada wifey. That moment, aku dah terasa aku dah bangun dan pijak pijak muka orang sebelah tu.

Finally at 8.11pm when suara diaorang ni semakin rancak, laki bini, sampaikan accident pun kau nak cerita kenapa kereta tu accident, lantas tanpa signal:

"Bro, kita kan kat wayang, rileks lah bro. Cool sikit lah bro." - ya, ayat aku sepatutnya berbunyi macam ni:

"Weii, korang ni bangang ke apa, bodoh ke apa, kau ingat tengok wayang cina kat padang ke. Korang ni kampung mana datang?" No I did not. Perhaps aku akan simpan untuk next couple yang bercakap dalam wayang.



Chinese Opera biasanya diadakan di padang, secara terbuka.

"Heheh, sorry sorry, excited sikit lah." Itu jawapan dia.

That made me speechless. Gampang tak? Gampanglah tu, dan masa dia jawab tu, scene tu takder apa yang membutuhkan dia untuk rasa excited. Aku paham kalau movie yang ditengok ni, Slumdog Millionaire or tengah tengok EPL.

Ok ok, message delivered.

Aku rasa tenang sesangat. 10 minit jek. Pastu, dia bukak kejadah apa ntah dari dalam plastik, and bukak macam kat rumah. Kau nak mencekik pun, bukaklah awal awal. Dan dia bukak plastik tu teramat lama sangat. Lepas mengunyah macam ada pertandingan mengunyah paling kuat. Dan aku dah nampak piala aku ketuk kat kepala si bangang ni.

Pastu, macam cibai, gampang, kau nak mintak airlah, "nak air, nak air".. kau dah tahu nak tercekik, standby lah air siap siap. Ko ingat aku masuk free ke? Kau ingat korang laki bini tengah picnic ke?

Masa tu, aku dah tak concentrate dah apa yang kat screen wayang tu, sebab dalam benak fikiran aku, duhai pasangan bangang, aku tengah membayangkan untuk membentes kaki si jantan bodoh ni bila movie abis nanti. I will spare the wife sebab kau tengah pregnant. Lucky you.

Confirm memang lembu. Sebab lembu memang tak reti bahasa.



Selalu gosok gigi yek, cik lem? Muuuuuu... yaaaa...
Kalau couple tu ada, mesti dia tanya: kenapa gigi lembu tu putih? Sebab korang gosokkan, bodoh.

Kalau waktu yang sepatutnya korang senyap, korang bising, macamana agaknya korang bersenggama kat rumah? Mesti bangun segala jenis haiwan, serangga dan binatang. Bagi alamat, aku nak pasang microphone untuk sound effect porno movie.

In conclusion, aku cuma nampak anak Jonathan "John" Koestler, a professor of astrophysics (Nicholas Cage), Caleb (Chandler Canterbury) naik spaceship tapi aku tak tau kenapa dan tetiba movie tu abis. There goes my RM10.

Kalau disuruh review dan rate kan movie ni, aku bagi one star jek out of 10 star whereas 10 is a must see movie, dan aku akan mintak ampun dari editor aku.

Finally, if you happens to read this blog, I suggest that you see this movie of yours:



I bet korang tau movie apa ni kan, sebab korang mesti dah tengok kan kan kan. Dan antara ayat korang mestilah: kenapa dia pakai rantai tu, kenapa idung dia kemek sikit, kenapa muka dia happy? kenapa telinga dia besar sikit, kenapa ada rumah kat belakang tu, kenapa ada air tu dan yang paling menakjubkan, kalau korang laki bini tanya, kenapa dia tak sikat rambut.

And I bet kau laki bini turut tepuk tangan masa tengok Armageddon. Koranglah rupanya yang tepuk tangan tu yek.

Damn.. hopefully aku tak tercarut masa buat emcee untuk satu event kat city square esok pepagi sebab suara korang dua orang masih terngiang ngiang di kepala aku ni.

Bangang.

33 comments:

i.am.belle said...

aku pernah kena mcm tu. sorang pompuan dgn couple dia. yg pompuan tu mcm hanjin dok sebelah aku mcm lelaki gampang tu la tanya itu ini kat laki dia. mcm BABI!

lama tu aku tak leh sabar aku kata 'boleh diam tak'. pastu dia merengus mcm kerbau sbb aku sound dia.

lepas tu dia diam tp masih berbisik2 lagi.

mcm BABI! bodoh hangsuang. mcm ko cakaplah 'kampung mari'. haish aku rasa org kampung pun tak gitu laaa.

anyway, KNOWING not bad kecuali part ending yg tunjuk 'adam n eve' tu. ergghhhhh

NH Rawlins Una A said...

me too
went to watch a movie with my brother...
scene yang tak perlu bising dia bising
pastu asyik tanya kawan dia apa jadi sebab sebenarnya dia tak paham BI...
Haiyo...
Tak paham tak payah le tengok kat wayang
Kawan plak bodoh...gi terang dalam situ
Sudahnya my bro jerit kat dua-dua...
korang nak wat kelas translation baik beli cd pasar malam
aku nak tengok wayang
pastu couple yang at the other side and belakang diorang pun marah gak
sudahnya diorang kuar terus
Lagi satu yang tak best tengok movie kalo yang bawa budak bawah 5 tahun...
Sorry ek...tapi kalo jenis yang duk diam tengok movie takpe...
ataupun citer tu memang untuk bebudak aku paham
nie jenis citer yang perlu concentration tetiba dengar ''AYAH...nak kuar!!!!"
Aiyo...aku angin
Kawan aku penah sound camnie'
ANAK G*mPang mana tak reti jaga anak nie!
Haiyo orang Malaysia...!

ZARA 札拉 [사랑해~] said...

Tu yang jadik time aku tengok talentime last week! wth?! kenapa budak tu itu, kenapa budak itu ini..please bare in mind yang bukan setakat hp kena silence, mulut pun kena silence gak. damn!

betul kata kamu..memang bangang sapa yang tak baca synopsis and main terjah je tengok pastu banyak soalan.
aku tahan diri dari terajang kepala orang time tu. dush3!

eh, event kat CS? event apa? ku rasa cam mahu berjalan esok pagi. stress buat assignment nih. uhuks~

mizzy N said...

dia excited sebab bayang-bayang dia berlakon dalam knowing kot. aku ingat filem knowing tu yang tak best tadi.

satu hari tu aku tengok wayang boleh satu row ni duk bergelak ketawa setiap scene. Macam gile babi sangat. rasa macam ada laughter track yang diletakkan oleh editor tak bertauliah pun ada . sebelum mereng aku dan kawan dengan cepat je lari lorong seat lain. puki d de max betul.

dieorang ni kena hantar rehab la bagi pengajaran sikit cara beradab dalam wayang.

candylips said...

hahaha..perkara biase kat panggung malaysia..bengong..
td pg tgok bloody valentine..gile suspen cite tu..dlm panggung da macam kat kenduri kawen da pon..haihhh

Syed said...

Seemed that everyone have similar experience. I pun ader... Cuma nak cerita sikit jek.. in my case lepas I tegur [dgn penuh sopan santun... kira controlled sungguh walau kat dalam tgh membara!!], dia boleh jawab balik, 'No, you shut up!'...

ninoZ said...

baru dok berangan nak tgk knowing sebab trailer dia mcm best giler..

kalau tgk wayang dgn jiran sebelah seat yg pot pet pot pet at least kita bleh sound..
haritu tgk wayang...kene dgn org kat belakang bukak kasut ke ape tah..tapi busuknyer bau stokinnn...ya rabbiii

mati mood tgk wayang..

F A R Y N said...

hahaha...sian kau..
lenkali ko sumbat je popcorn lam mulut dia kasi senyap....

aku penah sepak kerusi depan aku sbb mamat depan aku tu asik bising je...
cam cilake...tau la tgh berkepit ngan awek....hahahaha

atie said...

omg!i was laughing man!sori bro.ehem
well,i know hw it feel la.mmg hangsuang punya kapel...bab bersenggama tuh,napa tak tulih je "while having sex"?kn lebih porno bunyinye tu? hehehehe oopps,lupa plak,i'm still under age :P

Hazrey said...

belle: hahah. bring a rope next time. Again, knowing is the worst movie ever.

NH Rawlins Una A: panjang nama kau. Hahah, kes paling classic kau ni, "ayah nak kuar" hahaha... itu belum lagi, mak dia lupa nak bawak susu anak dia. Hahaha..

Zara: bawak lastik next time.

mizzy N: yeah, my blog is open to caci maki. Pls continue. Hahah. I love that.

candylips: hahah, makcik makcik penanggah ada tak? dapat bunga telur?

Syed: those are bunch of retarded and no education people. You should knock their head. Hard.

ninoZ: knowing sucks. Don't watch it. Seriously, dont watch it. And, hahah, best apa bau kasut. Kena pulak yang pakai stokin dah lama tak cuci, campur sikit bau popcorn, huuuuuwiiii mesti best. Yummy!

Faryn: That was me. Sekarang aku nak saman kau. Hahahah..

Hazrey said...

atie: Hahah, you little rascal! Hahaha.. obscene obscene. Hahah. I wished that I could cili kan mulut diaorang tu.

mizzy N said...

sekali skala luah pada orang gile kat wayang tapo tuju sini.

Anonymous said...

kau tgk wayang hari sabtu, bukan patut ahad ke hari bersama keluarga? kekekekek

ZoMbiE said...

Aslkum,hai,nice blog ler,erm jom ler jenguk n lawat blog sye ni di http://chipmunk18.blogspot.com ,n jgn lupe linkkan blog ni yer,ok bye

Hazrey said...

Anonymous @ Su: Somehow aku tau, kau yang tinggalkan comment tu. Hahah. Aku mengacarakan satu majlis polis tadi pagi, so terpaksa reschedule. Haha.

Obefiend said...

I LOVE NIC COPOOLA

I ADORE NIC COPPOLA

I THINK NIC COPPOLA IS ANA CTING GENIUS

ok ok.. i like him since i first saw him in face off. for the rest of the movie he mocked acting of Travolta and travolta mocking him

"its like looking in the mirror only..NOT!"

all his acting chops are there in the knowing. the blur and puases.. checked... the sudden burst of volume following a quiet delivery of a diologue.. checked! the manic insanity.. checked.. the nice one liner... checked.. the mocked pain and anguish.. checked!

he is da man

so i am biased. i love the guy and i actually hoot and hollered when he went through all his acting repetoire! woo pee doo!

the story is awesome. i like the nostradamus angle. love the movie right untill half way when i suddenly figure out the cause of human annahilation

the clues are there.. right about 7 minutes into the movie you can here the tv blaring

"bla bla... incresed solar flare activity this weekend bla bla"

since i am a vet in hollywood movie plot by number i knew that THAT LINE was not inserted just for fun. it gotta mean something later in the movie. kinda like how they insert the fact that Vin Diesel car can WHEELIE like a rempit earlier on in Fast and Furious. it was used again to great effect at the end

lol

but like you i have issue with the damn alien angle.. like WTF

kinda like THE HAPPENING PART2.. the twist is just hilarious. seriously ALIENS? bah

but i aint complaining. i like the idea that everyone got vaporised right at the end. i hate the ending of ARMAGEDDON and seeing everyone turned into charcoal at the end was awesome

but come on now

this movie is made for Nic Cage fans. if you dont like him you cannot enjoy his movies. same goes to fans of Woody Allen and Jack Black. you gotta love the man and just switch off the brain for 2 hours

i give it a 7/10

i was about to write a review when i saw this one made by you. so i have to scrap that review. kena rewrite something else. haha. siut haz. laju betul kamu!

Obefiend said...

oh lupa

aku pernah baling coke satu cawan kat kapel yang bising2. awek asik tanya2. kalau kamu dah tonton janji joni kamu tahu mereka ini dari spesis "penonton TELL ME"

aku bagi dia 2 warning. bising. makin kuat dia bising dok cerita kat awek dia

"lek baby.. i dah tengok vcd di akat rumah lepas ni minah ni mampos"

ok that is the last straw. i emptoed my coke on his lap.aku suruh dia keluar sebulan aku penyepak dia. terus hilang kote. nak tunjuk macho depan awek jangan nak tunjuk depan gua.

this other time i just give the guy a warning. next time around this fella angkat tepon dan borak kuat. i called the USHER and got him ejected

i actually got a round of applause from the people near me

AWESOME. rasa maca Hiro Nakamura

waNNa_eXess said...

my story oso same like others.haha

Hazrey said...

Obefiend: should i change this blog to bapak-gulagula-and-obefiend.blogspot.com? I would love to do so. Hahaha

I love Nic Cage, as his acting is cool, superb, phenomenal and like his act in Next's flick, he is always someone I will never missed. He is just bloody good. National Treasurer pun gempak.

And yeah, the vaporising thing is ok, except aliens saving some children? And those other spaceships transport saper? Penyimpan resipi putu mayam? tokeh bak ku teh?

Tapi seriously, the movie fails to amaze me with its storyline, except it has nicholas cage. Itu jek bonus for this flick.

And you throwing coke at the kapel? Hahahah.. best best best. I should do that next time.

And yes, you are Hiro Nakamura! Dey, you watched too much of tv. Get a life. Hahah

wanna_exess: me too. :)

Ma'am_Chelsea said...

Lorrrrrr...

Ciannyer...

Sabo byk2 ek...

Tu la org kita (Melayu), masih kaya ngan adab, sopan-santun, nak jaga ati org....

Klau xde semua tu, dah pasti kapel mengong sebelah tuh dah kene maki, tumbuk, tendang, sekeh kpala, smackdown & sewaktu dgnnyer..

Respek la bro!!! Cayala!

DoOrDie said...

the problem here is not the story la...its more towards the couple yang dok sebelah u tu eh? aisehh...

Desert Rose said...

Bro,

Org Johor mg mcm tu ye, jakun?? ha haha...

Kat sini slalu bangang bodo camtu cina bukit yg gefren pakai suar pendek & baju sleveless masa tgk midnite pastu meleser mencari haba dari ketiak bf yg rambut oren cacak2 mcm apek juai dvd haram tu, mg menyiksa jewa dan raga

Hazrey said...

Ma'am Chelsea: Thank you. Your next pop corn will be on me.

Doordie: Good girl. :) You have found the answer. And the movie too. It sucks.

Desert Rose: No offence but kapel tu orang kedah. Jahat betul jari kau ni kan. Karang tak dapat kapel tu, kau aku ganyang. Hahahahah.. Hehehe..

And you have not heard a couple talking about their wedding in the movie!!!

shahpaskal said...

aku ingat zaman dulu masa zaman cineplex (zaman kejatuhan panggung wayang).

Kalau tengok movie pada hari biasa, cure takde orang dalam panggung kecuali 2-3 couple je.

Masa inilah terdengan bunyi $%^%^&**...dan pada zaman inilah aku menonton wayang pakai spek Ray Ban, supaya mata aku boleh tengok aksi-aksi wayang "LIVE SHOW" hehehehe....tanpa ada orang saspek.

By the way, aku tak tahu pun Nicholas Cage ada movie baru...aku minat giler kat dia

Hazrey said...

shahpaskal: ko kan sibuk dengan kereta kebal kau tu..

chomey said...

nak kata jugak.. aku pun byk kali gak kena.. tapi yg terbaru.. sabtu lepas aku tgk fast n furios. ader kapel nie duk sblh aku.. b4 start movie.. diorg dok bergurau senda.. terkekek2.. dok main mencucuk sna mencucuk sini.. geletek sana geletek sini.. cubit sana cubit sini.. fine! aku ingat itu acara sampingan sblm start citer.. rupanyer2 aku silap.. diorg dok makin galak bila citer dh mula.. smpi satu tahap.. aku silang kan kaki aku.. dan sj jek menendang kaki awek nyer..

diam laa kejap kan monyet2 tu kan.. nak abis citer diorg buat lagi.. bila abis citer.. bukak jek lampu.. aku terus memberi pandangan yg sgt laa x puas hati..

cilaka haram jadah manusia jenis mcm nie tau!!!!!

eddie dewanaga said...

bro, kalau kena pada gua, mamat tu dah kena 'tampo' free ari tu...

Emma McKay said...

Tak ada sivik punya orang. Campak je dalam longkang.

Aku selalu berangan nak kahwin dgn Nic Cage. Haishhh...

Hazrey said...

chomey: very diplomacy of you. Hahahah.. if I am you, definitely they will get the boot.

eddie: gimme your phone number, next time aku pergi movie, aku belikan kau tiket khusus untuk tujuan itu. :)

Emma Mckay: hahahahahahah.. that is the best joke for this year. Thank you. Then again, please carry on dreaming.

mizzy N said...

semalam tengok knowing. nasib baik aku nye 'rakan' sebaris diam lepas muvi start. kalau tak 'oh no' la knowing itu. tapi knowing agak suck juga ending dia. satu lagi cerita alien, adoi.

Hazrey said...

hahaha told you, dun watch it. tapi degil kan.. it sucks.

mizzy N said...

huhu warning-warning tak diendah.

Anonymous said...

aku ada sorang kawan mcm ni, nama dia mie panjang. (cerita lama ni) aku baru habih keje mlm tu dan lepak kat gerai burger along kat nakhoda sementara menunggu rempitan2 balik midnight. "tengok braveheart" kata si along.

sesampainya mereka, aku tanya si mie ; "best ke?"

jawap si mie : "best gila!"

cerita pasal apa mie?

aaaa... mel gibson main dgn queen kat tepi bukit.

selain dari tu?

aaaaa... mel gibson main dgn queen kat tepi bukit.

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