HANTU? MANA ADA HANTU? ADALAH, SEMALAM AKU NAMPAK.. HANTU PONDAN.

Tweet Yeah, some of you must be totally a nutcase to crack your head on why did I placed the stop sign in the earlier entry. Admit it, you are all nutcase. Nuts nuts nuts. :)

This is my blog. I can do whatever I want and I surely can. Dan aku suka suka letak the stop sign just to see what are the reactions. I can just write tales and lie to everyone here. I can tell anyone that I was in London yesterday and now Im writing from a cafe in Paris. Whatever fuck that I write, surely it stills entertain you. Right? Yes.

And it is a BIG no, I am not gonna write anything about AF - as so it seems, everyone is writing about it, and I definitely not gonna be a dickhead to write about something so cheap and no quality at all.

AF is for pondan. See the audience, you should see more pondans and pondans and pondans. I bet those faggarts and useless creature on earth are there to see which PESERTA will be their blow job conversation among themselves.

This time let me write about ghost. Because I like like lah, why you busy busy?

Ask anyone, any tom, dick, leha, sani, ketutbudi, hanizah, faryn, rauf or even a sally, ghost story is the best bedtime story or any coffee shop story. And this is better than talking about those pondan's drooling over one of the not-so-hunk PESERTA AF. yeah, they drool imagining how would it be to be blowing one of the guy's dick. Such a dickhead. Pondan. Trust me, they are there to drool, not to support.

Aku sentiasa positif. Like this picture, tried to upload for 4 times and only the fifth I managed to do so. The third time, I had to restart my notebook. Blame Bill Gate's Windows XP, and not the innocent Pocong.

Seram comes in many ways. Seram nampak hantu, terasa kehadiran hantu termasuk orang yang macam hantu, seram tengok pondan pakai wig and heels pun ya jugak, itu pun kategori seram.

Me, aku seram tengok PONDAN. Kira samalah macam hantu.

In my life, aku cuma ada dua sightings of ghost. Hopefully itu jek sebab aku segan dengan hantu. Dan harap harap bila hantu nak kacau aku, dia akan berkata kata: ehh jangan kacaulah, itu sepupu or something in between.

First sighting when I was the news editor for a radio station here in JB back in mid 90's. Balik at about 5am, driving back and secara kebetulan atau tidak seperti cerita cerita dari kekawan aku, jalan lengang.

Adakah hantu dah plan itu semua? Cant they have different script or storyboard? Monotonous sangat. Signature perhaps? Mungkin.

Tapi aku rasa ini mesti konspirasi. 'Celaka'.

So, setibanya aku di Jalan Pantai Lido, I saw a big white thing on the bus stop bench. Abouyt 10 meters dah nampak, no bulu roma naik, no strange smell and nope, I saw nothing on my rear mirror.

Kedudukannya membaring. Putih.

Ponjot. Yes dude, it was wrapped with kain putih macam mayat. Bukan macam, memang exactly mayat.

Yeah, laugh. Laugh lah. Kau ingat senang ke nak dapat sighting macam ni. Orang tua cakap, mata sejuk jek dapat tengok benda benda camni. I guess Im one. The chosen one? Seronoknya. Macam matrix pulak. Ehh, tapi takperlah, taknaklah jadik the chosen one. Kasi orang lain ah.

Call me a chicken or anything, but damn me, that thing elok jek berbaring atas bangku bus stop tu and I was passing it.

Cool hazrey, cool. Apalah dosa aku, mengapa aku diperlakukan begini. Lucky masa tu tak terasa nak throw the small water.

I was calm. Masa tu aku tak rasa ada angin langsung seperti cerita cerita seram kat tv, filem atau yang aku dengar dari kekawan aku (sama ada diaorang temberang aku pun, aku tak tau tapi kekadang macam real jek citer diaorang tu.. haha), yelah sebab aku dalam keretalah, mana nak rasa angin. Ish. Aircon tahap mininum tapi rasa macam maximum. Haha.

Mulut kumat kamit. Tapi I was definitely deceived by my suka-sangat-baca-buku-bercakap-dengan-jin. Hahah. Ehh whatever happen to that book kan? Tapi aku suka, mistik mistik ni. Hehe. Fuhh fuuhh.. jangan ketawa, I can mandrem you from here, u know.

Kepala mulalah ingat setiap patah perkataan dalam buku Bercakap Dengan Jin yang ditulis Tamar Jalis tu. Kenapa dia letak tajuk camtu?

"Bulan di langit mula dilitupi awan. Angin kian keras bertiup. Bunyi dedaun bergeseran sesama sendiri amat menakutkan. Dan datuk terus melangkah dengan tenang.."

Bila aku dah confirmkan visual atas bangku bus stop tu, secara automatik, kereta aku terus jadik laju. Mungkin sebab pagi sebelum tu aku baru servis so lajulah sikit piston.

Dan aku tak cukup tanah sampai rumah sebab mak aku lambat bukak pintu. Hahaha.. bukan takutlah, kebetulan perut aku sakitlah. Yeah, go on, laugh, go on.. must be funny kan.. go on lah.. malam karang korang kena.

Makhluk jin selalu mengusik manusia untuk memesongkan akidah kita. Jadik, siap siaplah dengan ilmu dari Al-Quran dan fahami maksudnya (bukan sekadar baca jek, tapi hampeh satu pun tak faham).

See, this story is better than AF right? Better than talking about those pondan pondan yang bakal memenuhi stadium tengok AF dan drool over peserta lelaki dan pakat ramai ramai keluarkan peserta perempuan, especially yang tergedik sikit kat peserta pujaan pondan pondan ni semua.

AF = Konspirasi Pondan. Hahaha 'celaka'.

Dan, hah, pastinya pondan suka dengar cerita hantu, especially kalau aku cerita kat diaorang, agaknya, mesti baru aku cakap part ".. tiba tiba rasa seram.." terus dia melompat atas aku, alah pondan memang over dalam segala hal. Saje nak ambik kesempatan tu.

Dan mulai hari ini sesiapa yang bercerita pasal hantu, aku nak tanya:

"Nok, kau pernah ke jumpa hantu pondan?"

Aku pernah. But the one I saw was more a pondan hantu than hantu pondan. Different meh? Yeah, different, you dickhead. Still, both are pondan.

Dan di JB ni, seperti hantu yang kebiasaannya muncul di tempat gelap, samalah jugak hantu hantu pondan di belakang bangunan rumah kedai di Jalan Tun Abd Razak di JB ni. Dan mereka hanya takutkan satu jek benda panjang. Van panjang. Sebab biasanya van panjang ni pejabat agama punya dan pastinya kalau tak bunyi suara garau mereka menjerit LARIIII, tempat duduk di dalam van itu menjadi milik mereka.

WOOH!

Ya, aku akan pakai macam ni, the next time aku ikut Jabatan Agama pi tangkap pondan. Sergah diaorang, untuk dengar suara sebenar mereka. "Ohh mak kau.. (suara halus, control)... SIAL PUNYA JANTAN.. (tukar tune, garau original).